Hypervigilance

"Hypervigilance — the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you — is often the result of a trauma. People who have been in combat, have survived abuse, or have posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can exhibit hypervigilance."

I would also define it, through my experience, as not knowing how to rest. Not knowing how to trust. Not reacting well often; reading into other people's words and actions negatively, assuming the worst, and taking things personally.

Also, trying to get every piece of information and awareness - afraid to miss something.

Startling easily, being filled with anxiety. Second guessing your decisions or ruminating about what you did or said, or didn't do or say.

Always preparing... unnecessarily.

It's exhausting and all-consuming. I think it caused some OCD traits in me.

Long before this 'pandemic' I was deep into conspiracy theories. I found sources of evidence and dove deeper into what people had researched and presented. This is just one aspect of dissociation that I pursued.

I was literally consumed with an impossible list of to-dos, that disturbed me, overwhelmed me, and almost destroyed me.

I found out, over the years, that there are many reasons for why my brain started to work this way. And formed seriously rutted pathways. There was a pre-loading that was activated by complex traumas.

Becoming a wife and mother in the year following my Mother's sudden death, immediately following my graduation from a recovery program, succeeding my escape from sexual exploitation and so on... was understandably the hardest thing I could have anticipated. And yet I wanted a family of my own like nothing else. But I was reeling from severe trauma, in grief, and significant confusion. I could NOT relax. Ever. I could not enjoy anything fun or pleasurable. My mind was somewhere else - worrying and in the chaos of trying to get everything sorted out and completed and perfect.

The only one that could have caused it all to work out, and for healing to take place (over 8 years and going) is God; love.

I did endless therapy, coaching, sought out mentors and prayer warriors. I did a lot of self work to pursue healing and balance... it was all helpful but not a cure.

But God. Only God.

Miracles.

I write this now, with a different set of thoughts I'd like to share.

Many of us, believers, are reeling in a search for answers and understanding - peace and security, due to the current state of our world.

Awhile ago, I heard the Lord say "step away, close the book, put down your phone, come away with me, come deeper into my presence... I love you, I want to give you supernatural peace... you can trust me to be your security and to provide. I will give you wisdom and strategy, I will give you insight and perspective... I will help you prepare. I have the answers you are looking for, to put your mind at ease. I am perfect and you don't have to strive for perfection or to earn my love or to earn safety. It's my free gift to anyone and everyone who asks and believes. I am the master healer. The one who turns mourning and confusion into joy, gratefulness, and order... I work all things out for the good of those who love me."

It took me awhile to listen and obey and receive. He is patient with all of us. There by our sides, waiting for us to turn to Him, first and alone, and to acknowledge His sovereignty.

He restores to more than before. He has the power to accomplish all things, the impossible. He opens our eyes, he directs our hearts to Him to receive. He keeps us on the paths of security and peace... we just need to surrender, submit, abide... dwell with Him. Love Him. Honor Him.

Trust His word and His ways.

He is perfection.

He is true love. He casts out all fear.

Many mental illnesses and emotions if not all, have a root of fear.

Anger outbursts = underlying fear.

Hate = fear

Pride = fear.

Contemplate that.

Allow your heart to be searched by Him who reveals and releases.

Stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off - searching for answers and peace, strategy and victory. Its all around you - He is inside of YOU. He longs to commune with you, to give you wisdom and so much more. To fill you with LOVE, PEACE, HOPE, JOY....

To heal the deepest wounds, the world doesn't have answers for these.

I searched, I sought out endless professionals and they weren't all useless but nothing compared to the healing of God.

It's a journey, never complete until we upgrade to our home in Heaven. But we can become.

He is true love. He casts out all fear. Most weakness and emotions, if not all, have a root of fear.

It’s a journey, never complete until we upgrade to our home in Heaven. But we can become stronger, more peaceful, more loving. CARE FREE.

XOXO

Kay Honey